A few years ago I was working at the Red Lobster in Sterling, VA. A random array of people were there every day and I made pretty good money. I mean I was the ONLY competent server working there. And also the cutest. Everyone always flirted with me and I felt awesome.

One day this incrediblyhandsome everythingieverwanted kind of guy walked in. He was German (oh my GOD his accent. Well, I… Jizzed in my pants). His name was Marc and we fell in love at first sight. Well, I fell in love at first sight. My co-worker was his server and I BEGGED her to switch me tables. I mean I had a fat redneck family and she had the ever-so-irrestible Marc. So she did. Was I crazy? I was the only person there that fell in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him? Marc was dining with his friend Dan and they worked for some goverment agency that I could not know anything about. Or Marc would have to kill me. Which I wish he would have. I wish he would have thrown me on the table and shoved his big German dick in my mouth till I couldn’t breathe anymore. I’m not kidding. I wanted to do things to Marc that I had only ever heard of because I accidentally stumbled into the condom section at walmart a few weeks prior and overheard a trashy white girl telling her just as trashy friend about her boyfriends GIANT black wiener. Marc and Dan had their dinner and paid their ticket. I wanted Marc so bad but I didn’t know how to tell him. Then, just as he was leaving he gave me his phone number. Was Marc madly in love with me also? He told me to call him after I left work. And I did. Except Marc didn’t answer. And he didn’t even call me back!

Until the next day.

But that was a long time to wait! What if something terrible had happened to my beloved Marc before we even shared our first kiss? Marc and I set up and date for lunch the next day. I picked out the perfect outfit that any sane German man would have ripped off me the second he saw me. We were meeting at the Cheesecake Factory at 1:00. I couldn’t wait. I stayed up all night like I used to when I was six and it was Christmas eve. Well, not really. But you get the idea. So after getting in a car accident on my way there, I finally get there with ten minutes to spare. Then one o’clock came and went and there was NO sign of Marc. Was he standing me up? What did I do wrong? Then 1:20 on the dot he walked in. He looked so handsome how could I be upset that he was late? Oh, nothing mattered anymore. Marc and I shared a fantasic lunch and had a wonderful conversation and I’ll just say it… It was the best date to ever be had at the cheesecake factory. Finally it was time for us to part ways. Marc walked me to my car and asked when I could see me again. We decided to see a movie the next day after work. And then it happened. His passionate kiss. Our make-out sesh. Ohhh. My heart melted. I would marry Marc, it was official. We couldn’t stop kissing. It was incredible. Finally we stopped and said goodbye. Marc agreed to call me the next day to make plans for seeing a movie that night.

And that’s when it happened.

I NEVER heard from him again! He never called. He never answered my calls. He never came in to Red Lobster again. He never texted. He never did anything! He disappeared of the face of the fucking earth.

What is that? WHO DOES THAT? I wasn’t even weird. I mean everytime he started talking I had to bite my tongue otherwise I would have accidentally let it slip that I loved him. But I didn’t let it slip! I thought we had something. But APPARENTLY not!

I’m telling you this because I think it’s fucked up. I could be married right now to dearest Marc if only he had bothered to return my call. But seriously, why didn’t he just say “I want to fuck you but nothing more?” I would have! Or he could have said he didn’t feel a connection. Or something happened and he would have to cancel our date. But he said NOTHING! It’s fucked up.